An interview with Kraal - 2002-10-23

Personal details:

Q: How did you get your name?
A: Me dun' know, me da' was a wanderin' drunk and my ma' ran off when she saw me ugly mug. Me dun' even know how ta be spellin' dat.

Q: How old are you?
A: Me guess' it'd ta be bout two years, but me dun be knowin' how ta count either.

Q: What level are you?
A: Me could be tellin' ya, ya weasely interviewa', but din me'd hafta be bustin' open ya head like a melon.

Q: How would you describe yourself?
A: Me da biggest Ogre in dis realm, n' ya best be believin' dat. It be ma job ta be guardin' da cavern door. 'Cides dat, Me be bustin' heads all day long, as ya can be seein' from me mace *shows his gore-covered spiked mace*. N' sometimes da heads, dey be comin' right off da body, so me be keepin' dem ones fo' me monument collection.

Q: Where do you live?
A: Now ya be gettin' personal again, ya no-good wizzard wit ya fancy powahs. All ya need ta know is dat Me be guardin' da doors, n' if ya be knowin' whats good fo' ya, ye'd be movin' on ta da next question!

Q: How long have you been a resident of these islands?
A: 'Dey dun be lettin' an Ogre like me be a fancy-smancy resident, dey all shun me and be throwin' da tomatos and rocks. So me be stayin' in da caves n' bustin' da heads of all dat be botherin' me. Do ya' be thinkin' dat ya be better den ol' Kraal? Come ova here, Kraal will be showin' ya wha' he be thinkin' of ya resident!!

Q: What first attracted you to Ages of Despair and what keeps you here?
A: Da tasty Loriah steaks, MMmmmm, eva' had a tunnel cow steak boy?

Q: Erm, no, not yet. I'm looking forward to it though. Have you ever met any fellow monsters?.
A: Me dun be gettin' ta leave da Cave often. Mostly it just be da silly monstas dat be followin' dem people around like lil' puppy dogs. Me be likin' crackin dem skulls as much, dey be deservin' it to let dem folks be bossin' dem around n' takin hits for dem...Dey all be scared of Kraal, n' makin' da little elemental goons n' da mooses attackin' me.

Q: Who was your first kill and if you ever died, who was the first person to kill you?
A: Kraal no remember who be da first kill, but me know dat stoopid one known as Freddie, me kill him da most, n' he always be comin' back fo' more. Boy's head must be full of dem' rocks, he dull as Kraal. Me be havin' 9 of his heads on me monument. N' der be no one who be killin' Kraal, at least of dem mortal folk. N' dere never will be either! Kraal no wimp, Kraal kill dem all! Kraal challenge dem all ta come fo' him! Kraal be livin' forever!

Q: Who is your favourite and most hated npc or player respectively?
A: Kraal dun like much of anyone. But Derakath n' Aaleciea, dey be nice ta Kraal n' bring him dem delicious Loriah steaks. Also, dat Valdim, he be a humourous fellow. Always goin' on bout da end of da world n' da comin' of da Snake n' all dat. Though, Kraal be thinkin' dat he be havin' one of dem ivory pipes wit more den regula' tobacco if ya be knowin' what Kraal be sayin.

Q: There have been rumors suggesting that you may have offered to "wrestle" players for your "helmet". Any truth in this?
A: If ya be noticin' Kraal not be wearin' any helmet no more. De powahs dat be, be tellin' Kraal not ta be keepin' it 'round no mo', 'cause dem cheatin' folks be castin' magic on it n' figurin' it out or somethin' like dat. Kraal now be usin' it for a privy back at da cave. But dey be welcome ta be comin' ta wrestle Kraal fo' his mace, but dey be pryin' it out o' his dead cold hands or Kraal be pryin' it out of der crushed skull, Kraal be bettin' on da second.

Q: Do you keep much female company? Anyone on AOD that may be special to you?
A: Far as Kraal know, der be no female Ogres on da island. Kraal no be seein' dem anyways. But Kraal no be needing dem, Kraal be havin' his mace ta be keepin' him warm at night. *glares at mephitic* Ya be thinkin' Kraal no be able ta get a girlfriend? Kraal will be smashin' in yo' face, n' da girls will rather be wit an Ogre den you. Ya bettah believe dat!

Q: Heavens forbid, the last thing I need right now is another clubbing. What is the funniest/strangest thing that ever happened to you on AoD?
A: Well, dis on' time, dis fellow called Dlini be comin' inta Kraal's Cave, n' like all visitahs, Kraal welcome him in wit his mace! Well, din' da fool keep dyin' ova n' ova again, Kraal nevah laughed so hard! Dem wizzard folks be sayin' it was one of dem bugs, but Kraal know it was just Kraal kickin' his ass!

Q: Do you have any piece of equipment (apart from your beloved mace) that you just can't live without, or something you would like to have?
A: Yep, dat be ma' monument. It be beautahful, all glistenin' wit da blood n' decorated wit da straps of da flesh. Kraal be hangin' all da victims' skulls up dere to show me prowess in battle. But it started ta git too big tho, cuz Kraal slaughtered so many. So Kraal now alternate whose heads be hangin' up dere each day.

Q: Do you have a "special place" where you like to hang out, a private corner so to speak?
A: Sometime me like ta sneak out n' ova ta Valdim's temple n' play wit dem imp toys. Dey be so fun, me laugh like school girl n' pet da cute lil' tings. ER...If ya be tellin' anyone Kraal be sayin' dat, Me be stickin' me mace up between yer legs!

Q: How much of your time on AOD do you spend hanging out or chatting compared with..... well killing players
A: Kraal dun really be likin' ta chat wit da playahs. But Kraal love tauntin' dem wit tells if dey be gettin' too annoyin', or makin' fun of dem after Kraal be doin' his special killin' move on dere heads.

Q: What is the best thing about Ages of Despair?
A: Dat be dem tunnel cow steaks. Da Z man dun be likin' tunnel cows much, so he be tellin' me ta be killin' n' eatin' dem all, n' Kraal be no arguin' wit dat ya know.

Q: What is the worst thing about Ages of Despair?
A: Dat be cheatin' fools dat be makin' me be losin' mah helmet, Kraal like his helmet, now Kraal's head be gettin' cold!

Q: Do you have any driving ambitions on AOD? Is there anything that you want to achieve or perhaps something that you have already achieved?
A: Kraal be hearin' dat in Loriah dat dere be a board dat be tellin' which monstah dat be killin' da most playahs. Kraal be wanted ta be on top of dat list. But Kraal be thinkin' dat da playahs be too scared of him, so maybe he hafta be wanderin' out of his Cave someday n' smack 'round der heads in Loriah....n' of course ta be gettin some of dem steaks. Dontcha be thinkin' dat Kraal be only thinkin' of steaks n' smashin' skulls eitha! Kraal be very deep n' philosophicalinessious when Kraal be wantin' ta.

Q: Is there any advice you would like to give to new players that have just entered our world?
A: Dun be comin' ta mah Cave, or me will hafta bust yer skull, n' den Kraal be feelin' bad bout dat. Haha, yea right...Newbie skulls welcome on da monument too!

Q: Have you ever been convicted of a crime?
A: It's not a crime, if ya dun git caught. N' Kraal nevah been caught, so No.

Q: How many friends/family play?
A: Kraal know no family cept Derakath n' Aaleciea, n' dey dun really play, dey like bein' all secretive n' stuff.

Q: Favourite quote?
A: 'Me crush ya like a worm!', dat be on' of dem tings Kraal like to say after bashin' in a skull.

Q: What music are you listening to at the moment?
A: Kraal be listenin' ta Fear Factory - Resurrection, n' how do ya be knowin' dat Kraal be listenin' ta music? Ya be spyin' on him when he be in da shower too? *taps his mace into his palm threateningly*

Q: Is there anything else you would like to mention about yourself or your life?
A: Yea, Ya should come visit Kraal, he be a nice Ogre, really. He just be lonely in dat Cave, which be why he be bashin' in all dem heads. He may be bashin' yer head da first few times, but perhaps he be friendly if ya keep tryin'! Dun pay any attention to dat question about da wantin' ta be on da Loriah Board, Kraal be only kiddin' bout dat, really, ya can trust Kraal!

Q: If you could remove one of the questions from this interview and replace it with another one, which would you remove and what would you replace it with?
A: Dat resident on'. Dat on' be bringin' up bad memories in Kraal's past. Kraal will have to kill many innocent folks ta be feelin' bettah now. Kraal be replacin' dat on' with da question: 'What be yer favorite tunnel cow recipe?'

Q: And of course I will have to ask you to answer your own question now.
A: Oh! Dat be a tough on', where ya be gettin' all dem tough questions from? Kraal be havin' ta say dat da best be tunnel cow marinated n' a nice ale battah, wit a touch of garlic n' a side of potatoes, n' of course it be havin' ta be followed by ice cream.

Q: Who would you like me to interview next, and why?
A: Have ya interviewed dat weird boy Tithian? He always be sendin' Kraal tells about bröst n' Kraal dun even be knowin' what dat be. Me be thinkin' dat dat boy be de only on' dat be mo' on' track-minded den Kraal be.

Q: I interviewed Tithian last week, anyone else?
A: Oh! Den maybe ya can be interviewin' a tunnel cow, ya just be lettin' me know when da interview view be ova' so Kraal can be awaitin' outside da interview room.

Q: Do I have your permission to make this information public on the People of AoD webiste or any other media?
A: Sure, but if dis be makin' Kraal look bad, den just ya remember 'bout dis mace when ya be sleepin' at night dere Mistah Interviewah.

>>> This interview brought to you by Mephitic <<<

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